Something Wonderful Page 7

  “I’ll call and re-arrange it for you.” She was so far gone she’d forgotten Red Rum had died years ago, but even if he was still alive and galloping, she wouldn’t be riding him. And she was already wearing the jodhpurs and black leather riding boots. Her riding hat sat on a chair next to her.

  “What about my appointment?” I loved my sister but after a few drinks, she was a bloody nightmare of epic proportions. She didn’t even have an appointment to ride a horse, side saddle or not. “Tally-ho,” she suddenly screeched, bringing silence to the bar.

  “You’re not going near any horses today, Mags.” I hauled her to her feet. “Now get up, the pair of you, and move it before we’re slung out of here and you’re barred for life.”

  It wasn’t as easy as that.

  Valerie plonked the black suede hat on her head and straddled the chair. She seemed to think she was commentating at Royal Ascot. In a dipped voice, she pretended the chair was a horse, and she was its rider. Her arse jutted out. She slapped her thigh a few times. “And coming up on the left is The Mighty Walker…”

  “Get off that chair, Valerie, and come with me,” I urged, embarrassed by her shenanigans.

  “Now edging forward, past Pink Pussy, to take the title...”

  Anytime now, she would fall off the chair and flat onto her face. It couldn’t happen soon enough.

  “COME ON, VALERIE,” Maggie Jane shrieked, almost deafening me in the process. “YOU CAN DO IT!”

  And then it happened.

  Valerie tipped forward and hit the floor with a thud.

  “Oh, Valerie, that’s a bummer, you almost had it,” my sister added, unhelpfully, as who I assumed to be the manager of the bar stormed over.

  His face was like thunder. “Get those two out of my bar, right now.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I bent down to help Valerie to her feet. With a yank, I lifted her up, even though I was of the mind to leave her there. My knees buckled under her weight and I dropped her.

  The whole place erupted into cheers.

  “Tally-ho, Valerie,” Maggie Jane shouted.

  “Tally-ho, Margaret Jane,” she replied.

  “You’re all barred,” the manager shouted over the din. “OUT! NOW!”

  “Oh, God help me,” I sighed.

  Chapter Fourteen - There's Nothing Sweet About Home

  My day turned to shit.

  Any plans I had now abandoned due to my sister and her lush of a friend.

  Maggie Jane stood at the bottom of the stairs and shouted, her voice not too dissimilar to a ship’s foghorn, “Where’s my little neffypooh’s?”

  Valerie swayed to music in the living room; music only she could hear. Suddenly she burst into song. I cringed as she cruised around every note before she found the one she was looking for. “Oh, you came, and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Andy.” I didn’t have the stomach for Barry Manilow songs at the best of times.

  “Mags, for God’s sake, he’s at school.” I didn’t know who to deal with first. “Valerie, sit down before you fall down.”

  “My wonderful Andrew,” she howled like a wounded dog. “I miss him so much.”

  Drunken tears. Just wonderful. What did I do to deserve this?

  “Where’s my Dillon?” Maggie Jane asked.

  “I already told you, at school.” I couldn’t let him come home to this and pulled my phone out. I texted Richie, asking him to collect him from school, then I messaged Dillon to let him know what was going on. He wouldn’t care, in fact, he’d be pleased to be out of the house and spending quality time with his dad.

  “Shall we go and get him?”

  “He’s going to his dad’s after school, so forget about Dillon.”

  “Awww, Shell, tell him to come home, I wanna see him.”

  “Now I know you’ve lost the plot. The two of you fight like cat and dog.”

  Valerie’s squawking drew my attention. It got increasingly louder.

  “Such a gorgeous little doggy, Michelle. How long have you had him?” She wasn’t directing the question to me but was talking to herself.

  “Lord, give me strength,” I muttered under my breath as I watched with amusement. She was sat on the sofa cooing into my open handbag, stroking it with her index finger.

  I’ve been drunk many times, but Valerie was a revelation. “Has she taken anything?” I turned to my sister and waited for a reply.

  “Only her vitamins.”

  “What vitamins are these?”

  “My friend Spud is into herbal remedies and gave me them to try. He said they’d knock years off the pair of us.”

  “Spud.” I felt like I’d slipped into the twilight zone. “Who the hell is Spud?”

  “Oh, you’d love him, Shell. He’s a gorgeous, six-foot tall, redhead from Ireland, or is it Iceland? I can’t remember where, but he has huge thighs, like tree trunks. Big green eyes and a massive willy too. He sells all sorts, and he makes the most delicious chocolate brownies.”

  “So, he’s your dealer, is that what you’re telling me?”

  “I said nothing of the sort.”

  I huffed and gave quick glance and pointed at Valerie. “If he isn’t a drug dealer, then tell me why your friend is dancing round my living room cuddling my handbag?”

  “Oh, you’re such a cutie,” Valerie bellowed. “I think I’ll call you Rex.” She patted the handbag. “Good boy.”

  “They’re just vitamins, Shell.”

  “She thinks my handbag is a dog called Rex.”

  “Let her have her fun, she’s not doing any harm.”

  “Pass me those pills, right now.” I held my hand out while she rummaged through her own handbag.

  “Okay, keep your bloody wig on.”

  She passed me a tiny plastic bag with little white tablets inside.

  “Oh, fantastic, ecstasy. You’re both twatted because you’ve taken hallucinogenic drugs.” I tipped the contents into the sink. “That’s just the best…”

  “Hey, go easy, I paid for those.”

  “Tough.” I turned the tap on and watched as they swirled down the plug hole. “Tell your friend Spud you want a refund because they’re not vitamins.”

  “Well, I can’t do that because I didn’t actually pay for them with cash.”

  “How did you pay for them then?” Did I really want to know?

  “I gave him a hand job.” She didn’t seem to think this little revelation was shocking in the slightest.

  “You did what?” Any other time I would have found it amusing, but my nerves were frayed.

  “He had a bit of an accident and broke his hand, what else was he going to do?”

  “Perhaps he could have used the other hand?”

  “Oh, yeah.” She stared blankly. “I never thought of that.”

  “When the effects of the drugs and drink wear off, we need to have a serious talk.”

  “It’s just a bit of fun, and besides I didn’t suck it or anything, just tossed him off.”

  I wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all but wasn’t going to encourage her. Knowing nothing about recreational drugs, I hoped the effects would soon pass or I was in for a right time of it.

  Chapter Fifteen - Coming Down

  “Oh, my head is pounding,” Maggie Jane complained. “What the hell did I drink?”

  “What didn’t you drink is more to the point,” I shouted, revenge clearly on my mind. Her eyes flickered and she raised a hand to try and quiet me down. “At one point you were drinking Angry Little Dwarves.”

  “You mean Drunken Elf’s?” She grinned, loving the chance to prove me wrong.

  “Well you know what I meant, smarty pants.”

  Valerie walked into the living room, ghostly white, looking like she’d been dug up. Her hair stuck up at frightful angles and put me in mind of Beetlejuice. “How did I get here?”

  “I brought you both here from the pub earlier on. Those vitamins you took didn’t mix well with the booze.”

&n
bsp; “I feel like somebody slammed my head into a wall.” She rubbed her temples and frowned before letting out an enormous belch. “Jesus, darling, that hurt. Have you got any painkillers and indigestion tablets?”

  I was wary of giving her anything else to take. “I’ll get you some water, but no more drugs for you.”

  “Drugs. I haven’t had drugs since I was in my twenties.”

  “Tell that to your friend Spud.”

  Maggie Jane sighed. “Here we go.”

  “Oh, he is rather delightful, Michelle, a total dish too. You’d really like him, and he seems to have taken quite the shine to Margaret Jane.”

  “I bet he has, especially with only one working arm, the randy old goat.” Gosh, I sounded like my mum. “I’d give him a wide berth if I were you, Mags.”

  “Why should I do that?”

  “If the police had stopped you with ecstasy, they’d have arrested you and thrown you in the cells.”

  “Ecstasy?” Valerie’s shrill voice rose a few octaves and almost popped my ear drums. She flinched, and she was the one making the racket. Her own head tender.

  “Yes, you know the ones,” I had pleasure in telling her. “Bloody dangerous they are too.”

  “You mean, I’ve been off my tits on hard drugs?”

  “Yes, Valerie, that’s exactly right.” I was stern in my reply.

  “How bloody marvellous.” She gave herself a round of applause. “Wait until I tell Willow and Georgia. What an absolute hoot!”

  Maggie Jane clapped along with her. I wanted to strangle her.

  As for Valerie, I felt sorry for her eldest daughter, but something told me she had witnessed far worse in her lifetime.

  ∞∞∞

  I placed my knife and fork quietly on the empty plate.

  Home made chicken pie, broccoli and mashed potatoes, with lashings of gravy—good old comfort food. That would have them both feeling more human in a flash.

  I looked to my sister. She looked slightly better than earlier, but with her smudged lipstick, resembled an insane clown. “Do you feel better now?”

  “Much better, thanks, Shell.” She rubbed her stomach and let out a belch. “You always were a good cook.”

  “That was top notch grub, Michelle, almost bistro standard, but I’ll be farting like there’s no tomorrow later on with all that broccoli.”

  High praise indeed coming from Valerie Walker. I just hoped she toddled off home before the bottom burps started. “Nice,” was all I could think of to say. With Maggie Jane’s belching and Valerie’s farting, I think I’d go stir crazy. I needed to get shut of them both, and fast. “There is plenty left, enough for you both to take a doggy bag with you.”

  “Not for me, Michelle. I’m stuffed up to the eyeballs, but it makes a nice change from that vegan shite Willow likes to force feed me.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

  “Yeah, it was delicious, and I appreciate you looking after us. Sorry for putting you out.” Maggie Jane looked almost contrite. “I had no idea what we were taking.”

  “Well, if you see Spud again, tell him no more drugs.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that, I quite enjoyed the trip.”

  “I bet he enjoyed the wank more.” I couldn’t resist the sly dig.

  “I should hope so.”

  “Listen, Mags, you’re crackers enough without drugs, and that goes for you too, Valerie.”

  “I don’t know about ecstasy, but I need to send my poor liver on a long vacation,” Valerie piped up, mopping the last of her gravy with thick buttered bread. “The girls are home in a few days...” She popped the bread into her mouth. “…and I need to be on my best behaviour.”

  “Good. Having them back might keep you out of trouble.”

  “I’ve missed them, but I do hate to be on the farm now Andrew is no longer there. Any excuse for me to get away from there and I take it.”

  “Then why don’t you sell up and find somewhere else?”

  “It has crossed my mind, but I don’t want to sell the place if the girls are too attached to it.”

  “Talk to Willow and see what she has to say. I’m sure she would see things your way.”

  “Do you think so?”

  “Sometimes you can’t move forward if your feet are cemented in the past. Maybe she is too young to grasp that, but if you aren’t happy there anymore, do what you have to do.”

  “He was the love of my life…”

  “Then he would understand why you had to leave?”

  “Yes,” she said with a smile. “I think he knew that place was special because it was our family home, but without him, it’s not the same. It hurts when I walk about because in every corner he’s there, but then he’s not, if you get my drift.”

  I preferred this vulnerable side to Valerie. “I totally understand where you’re coming from and so would Andrew. Talk to Willow and the girls. You’ll find they just want you to be happy.”

  She reached across to take my hand. “Thank you, darling. Life really is too short. I thought we would have so much longer together, so when the time comes and you meet that somebody special again, cling onto them for dear life.”

  Chapter Sixteen - Facing the Future

  Maggie Jane and Valerie had gone.

  It was time I faced up to what I really wanted and called Carol.

  I’d avoided her once again after our hot night in the pool. It was inexcusable. I liked her, and I knew she liked me so what was the problem? That was easy to answer–I was the problem. But I intended to rectify my errors and stop dithering. I just had to hope she was in the mood to forgive.

  If she was mad, I wouldn’t blame her, but I had to be honest with her about how I felt. There hadn’t been a single day without thinking about her.

  Taking a few deep breaths, I dialled her number.

  “I was hoping to hear from you.”

  “Were you really?”

  “I hoped so.”

  “I’m so sorry. I’ve behaved appallingly and…”

  “You don’t need to apologise, Shell, I understand.”

  “I’ve acted like a coward.”

  “It was just a bit of fun.”

  “For you, maybe, but for me, it was something more, something wonderful.”

  “Really?”

  “Look, can we meet up somewhere, or maybe you can come here? Dillon is with his dad tonight, and I just got shut of Mags and Valerie.”

  “I bet that was fun.”

  “I’ll tell you when I see you, but it involves somebody called Spud, a hand job, and a pile of ecstasy tablets.”

  She laughed. “I dread to think what that’s all about, but where Mags and Valerie are concerned, nothing would surprise me.”

  “Why don’t you come over?”

  “If you’re sure?”

  “Yeah and bring Jamie if you want.”

  “No need. He’s with his dad tonight, football practice.”

  “You sorted it with him then?”

  “I think the threat of legal fees made him see sense.”

  “Good. Did you sort out the smoking thing?”

  “Oh, yeah,” she replied. “I made Jamie smoke the whole pack as you suggested. Sick as a dog he was. I doubt he will be smoking again anytime soon.”

  I smiled, wishing I’d done it with Dillon, despite Richie’s protests. “Have you eaten?”

  “Not since lunch time.”

  “I have homemade Chicken Pie and Mashed Potatoes, if you fancy it?”

  “Sounds divine. Give me an hour and I’ll drive over.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

  ∞∞∞

  I flew around the house, making sure it was tidy.

  Then, I jumped into the shower and lathered myself from head to toe. Who knows what the night could bring?

  So far, we had made love twice, and after both times, I’d retreated, but this time I was determined to stop acting like an idiot and embrace what could be something special.
>
  I kissed Carol on the lips.

  “It’s good to see you,” I said. “I hope you’re hungry?”

  “Starving,” she replied. “And it’s good to see you too.”

  “Let’s go through to the kitchen so I can plate the food up for you.”

  “Are you not having any?”

  “I already ate with Mags and Valerie.”

  “I was hoping they might be here.”

  “If you knew what I’d had to contend with today, you wouldn’t say that.”

  “Oh, God, what did they do?”

  “Have you ever met anybody barred from Wetherspoons?”

  “Not that I know of. Why?”

  “Well, my sister and Valerie are barred from the one in town, for life.”

  Carol laughed. “It must have been bad.”

  “Worse,” I added. “I don’t know which of them is the worst?”

  “I’d have to vote for Valerie given the choice.”

  “Well, put it this way, I’m glad to be rid of them.”

  “You need a drink.”

  “Let’s get you fed, then we can lie on the sofa and relax.”

  “No Dillon tonight?”

  “He’s with his dad.”

  “Ooh, so we have the house to ourselves?”

  “Seems so.” I wanted to drag her upstairs and straight to bed. “What did you have in mind?”

  “A few things neither of us have done before.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “You know what? I think dinner can wait, after all, you have a perfectly decent microwave.”

  I didn’t take much convincing.

  “I’ll race you to the bedroom.”

  We lay on the bed together, side by side, face to face, naked.

  My hands wandered, caressing her beautiful body before my fingers crept down toward her private place.

  I pushed my fingers inside her, found that sweet spot and relished in her groans of pleasure. It was the first time we had made love completely sober.

  Surprisingly, I wasn’t nervous, but exhilarated.

  Carol looked like a Goddess sent from above to lead me into temptation.

  Our lips met as I increased the intensity of pressure on her clit, wanting to bring her to orgasm.